Serious Post

So today I wanted to fit in two posts: A serious one, and a silly post. Judging by the title, you can already guess what type this one is. The picture probably helps a little too. Ever wonder why I use a picture in all of my posts? Sometimes I don't even talk about the picture. I do it because it sets the mood for the post. Sometimes I may add it just because I really like it, but most of the time I do it so I can prepare your emotions for what's to come next, a prolouge to my post.
I do, however, want to talk about this photograph. It really cries out to me. Look at it. At first glance (to me), the clouds overpower. Grey, pushed together, and sort of grumpy looking. Then the crows. Crows have always symbolized death, darkness, or some sad emotion. From Edgar Allen Poe's the "Raven" which is pretty much a crow, to scarecrows, and so on. I look at this, and the girl is LETTING the crow sit on her finger... as if she welcomes it. You also notice the ferris wheel in the background with a bunch of people on it. The girl is not on this wheel. She is sitting far away, holding a crow, and letting the grumpy wind mess her hair up. She also has her knees up. Whenever I'm lonely, sad, or emotional it's a natural instinct to curl up and wrap my arms around my knees. Alright. You get my point, I'm sure. Tone set. This post will probably not be as random, light, and fluffy as the majority of my other ones. If you were looking for a random, light, and fluffy post then please, go right ahead and endulge yourself in a less "serious" post. (I'm getting tired of the word "post"... There has to be another word for it...)

There are a few things I want to talk/type about, and I'm not sure where to start. Why can't I make myself stop procrastinating? Why do people scare me? When will I be able to be thankful, and bless God for what He's given me? Why is America so self-centered? Countless serious topics we could discuss and easily make ourselves sick with selfishness and sadness, but I want to start with people. Why DO they scare me? This has bothered me for some time. By some time, I mean the majority of my life. I've always been scared to open up, scared to be nice, scared to let anyone outside of my family see the real me. The answer, as complicated, and unrealistic as it may be, I fully understand. BUT it's the answer that really bothers me. So I keep asking the same question, hoping to get a different answer but every time I'm fueled with the same response, the same confusion, and same self-pitying sulk that evades my personal space. Every. Time. Why Why Why?! I cry out. But I know why. Trust and forgiveness. Past experiences have their own special way of fast forwarding to present time, and slapping me in the face with similair experiences ALL to do with people. Becca's been betrayed. Becca's been left behind. Becca's not loved enough. Becca's doesn't have friends. Becca's hurt. Becca's this. Becca's that. Stop me if you're tired of hearing my name. Personnally, I AM. Why can't I just let it go? My past is my past. Yes, people can be jerks, but so can I. I'm positive that sometime in my life, I've hurt someone in some way whether I've meant to or not. My mind is saying "But it's different" How, mind? How is it different? How is my pain more special? How is it bigger or more important? So you get why this bothers me. I go through this cycle. I wallow in my suffering, and count my misfortunes until it just about does me in. I realize how utterly selfish and ungrateful I am for the life God's let me live, for the path he's let me walk on, and the experiences he's let me go through. I turn back to him in humility, thank him, and it starts over again with a new problem involving a new person. What a God. To renew me time and time again, even though He knows I'll just fall again. But I'm getting sidetracked. I have trust and forgiveness issues. I have people who trust me. I have people who've forgiven me, yet I can't seem to do the same for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. God have mercy. This is what bothers me so much.
Procastination is sort of a side issue. I have ADD and take meds for it too. I'm homeschooled, have time, and the brain but I just can't force myself to do things when I should do them so I'm not up the night before until 2 in the morning with no sleep. I'm confident that if I DID I would succeed way better in school. Problem? Yes. :/
I remember waking up every morning and hearing my mom say "This is the day the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad of it." I think we get away from that too often. Me, in particular. Once something bad happens in my day, my mood is set, and it automatically ends my good attitude right then and there. That and the whole concept of getting caught up in our problems is an issue. My also mom says "Count your blessings" a lot. And I am indeed blessed beyond meausre. I have the best family that fits together as if every single person is a certain puzzle piece. We fight, yes, but I don't know many daughters who feel like they can tell their moms pretty much anything. I'm blessed to have a mother so understanding, Godly, wise, and real. My sisters are my best friends. They have been SUCH a gift to me. They listen, they advice, they keep me company. I go over to my sister's apartment every day, and it amazes me how she's not sick of me yet. My oldest sister still goofs around and smiles whenever she see's me, despite my issues with depression. My dad... Oh gosh, my dad. He is a living miracle. When I think about all he's been through, and going through; and how he still manages to hold as much love as he does, for others, in his heart... it brings tears to my eyes. A living, breathing miracle. I don't think we realize how much of a blessing having a family really is. I have the bestestestestest friend in the world. (oh grammar can go eat some veggies) Through the rants, the tears, the pain, the sin, and the wallowing, he is STILL here. That amazes me. I can be my total self around him and not worry about him getting up and walking away because I'm not good enough. I can honestly say, I don't know HOW I would have gotten through this journey without him. THAT is a blessing. I am surrounded by people who love me, who give me second chances, who forgive me, and who bring me closer to my Father. How could I ever forget to thank God for that? HOW? How can I skim over these incredible, mind-blowing gifts and stay transfixed on the trials I'm currently going through. Trials are even blessings, without which, I wouldn't be the person I am today. They've made me stronger. They've taught me countless things. How can I forget to thank God for using them to make me a better person? God... have mercy.
I'm not really sure what to write next. I don't want to rant about America because somehow I just end up on Hollywood, and I'm sick of Hollywood. I guess I use the rest of this post as a thank you.
Thank you, people. Thank you for breathing on this planet, and fulfilling God's glory, even if I can only focus on what you have done to wrong me. Thank you for looking past that. Thank you for using your beautiful talents to show others how amazing God is. Thank you for working your hardest to learn as much as you can, so you can succeed further in life.
Thank you, family. Mom, Dad, Mary, Mel. You are my treasure. Thank you for not giving up on me when I became too much to handle. Thank you for keeping me company when my friends didn't. Thank you for taking my side, even when it felt like you weren't. Thank you for being here, in this family. Thank you for walking beside me, and encouraging me, even when I just wanted to be a victim.
Thank you, Pete. Thank you for not being like every other person. Thank you for being unique, and hilarious. Thank you for putting up with my constant rambling, and whining. Thank you for pointing my to Christ and His perfect picture of loyalty and love. Thank you for not giving up and walking away, when time made it really hard not to. Thank you for being awesome. No one could ever replace you.
Thank you, pain. You're mean, but I need you. Thank you, for being there so I can grow and learn. Thank you for being a part of God's masterful painting, and fulfilling his purpose, tear by tear.
Thank you, God. You. Are. Awesome. Thank you, for being you. For loving me in the midst of my sin, and self-pity. Thank you for reminding me that this isn't just useless hurt that will never go away, and showing me examples from my past. Thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to work inside me, and help me to glorify you more efficiently. Thank you, God, for holding me when I thought I was falling, when I strayed, and when I felt too tired to carry on. Thank you for using the people in my life to bring me closer to you. Thank you for giving them patience to deal with me, and my selfishness. Thank you.



And on a less serious note:
Hugs on the other hand...

Speak, Pizza, Ridiculous Amounts of Caffeine, and a Holiday Called: Stress

I finished a book last night called Speak and it was really good. I don't want spoil it for you in case you ever plan on reading it, but I can relate to the main character very well. The entire book is written in present tense, which is very hard to do (or maybe just to me), and blunt. By blunt I mean she uses short sentences, and she puts into practice this quote: "Say what you mean, and mean what you say". Successfully, I might add. At first, it was slow, but then as I got used to the tone of the book, it got more and more interesting. Good book. You should read it.

Almost 30 minutes to an hour ago, John got Mary, Elizabeth, and I PIZZA! Pizza! Bad, cravings. Bad. You'll be the death of me... No, really. By the time I'm 30 I swear I'm going to resemble a certain Aunt Marge from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban. And that will kill me. Obesity kills. I have an eating disorder. And not the kind where you DON'T eat or you BARF up all your food. The kind that actually sounds like it's name. An EATING disorder. As in, Becca eats too much. But food is good... And how can you pass up long-wanted pizza?! HOW? I must know!!! Did I really just rant on about on about getting fat? Speaking of which, it would be cool to be a cow for a day, no a week. :)

So today I awoke at 6:30 AM, which is early for me. I died of exhaustion, so naturally I thought "Caffeine!". Dr. Pepper. After that beverage we went to my Madre's doctor's appointment, and there I was still crippling myself from sleepiness, so naturally I thought "Caffeine". Starbucks. After this...Okay this is getting annoying. This is all the caffeine I had today:

-Dr. Pepper

-Cappuccino

-Diet Coke

-Mug of regular caffeinated coffee.

Tada! Caffeine overload!

I hate how you always do most of your rushing AROUND the holidays. Holidays insinuate thoughts like "Peace", "Break", "Sleep", and "No homework"

You couldn't get any more opposite. Think about it. You're rushing (well I am) to get your homework turned in before Christmas "break", and then all your teachers GIVE you homework TO DO on your "break". Why is it called a "break", if it's... well... not? You're family, and everyone else you know is rushing to get presents... on sale. Rushing to plan parties. And do you think that you're sleeping or relaxing while this is going on? I don't think so, Bob.

Hugs on the other hand...

Temper Trap, Garlic Bread, and Dihydrogen Monoxide= My day. :]

So look over there ---> And listen to "Sweet Disposition"

I'm listening to Mary. It's bitter-sweet. Sweet because she's so talented, and whenever I hear her skills on the piano and vocals, my heart warms. Bitter because, while I love having her play for my family "only" (with exceptions), I wish the world could see her and have all their hearts warm as well. It's a bit different since she is my sister. Either way, I thank God for her abilities, and talents. 

Today has been really good so far. A lot of my days are good, but today in particular. I don't have a Chemistry test to take (she didn't give us one :D), and the sky cried rain down, and exhaled a fair amount of wind. It felt good on my face. I then spent the rest of the day (until now, since I don't what's happening next.... Good example: Right as I typed that, Mary did a Beethoven and dramatically ran her hands all the way down the keyboard) with Mary, being awesome. I don't think you really wanna know every single little thing I did, because that's boring and unnecessary so I'm going to leave that out of here. Good for me. You know what? No? Then leave. I was going say....THAT MY ENGLISH HOMEWORK IS DONE. Like you totally care. :P 

I am soooo not looking forward to next week. Monday is a sad sad sad day. Why you ask? Because I said so. It is the day that we must sing to incredibly (INCREDIBLY) cheesy music, screech out our solos, and pretend to be"happy" and "cheery" and "not bored" when we do it. THIS shall be a challenge. Allow me to be blunt: Not only will I be bored, but I will be frustrated that I'm singing a whole solo by myself, no one else, in a PRAISE AND WORSHIP BAND. Seriously, people?! Yes. Seriously. Blehhhhh. 

ANYWAY. I totally got off track. Why my day was/is good. Right. I almost typed "Tight" ha. And I laughed too. :D I also ate strawberry ice cream, made Young Frankenstein jokes, played- crap. I forgot I wasn't telling you everything in my day. Wow. Facepalm, Becca, facepalm. Throw in a palmface too.

And Mary stares into the atmosphere pondering the weight and meaning of life as her eyes flash from object to object. Worry creases her forehead "She's not answering her phone"

Funny funny funny. Twas a joke, senior citizen peep. You know, like the marshmellow? WHY IS MARSHMELLOW UNDERLINED IN RED!?!?!? What is this hypocrasy?! Why is that underlined in red? probably because I misspelled it. BTW don't listen to "Time to Pretend" by Mgmt over there --->

Why? Well I listened to an edited version on the radio, I looked up the lyrics.......wait. I removed it nevermind. Sheesh I'm so scatterbrained. 

The 2010 Winter Olympics are being held in Canada and some pretty interesting questions were asked. I'm sad to inform you that the answers are jokes, but the questions are authentic and....yeah (Thank you, James)

These are just a few of my favorites:

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )

A: No, WE don't stink. 

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Okay.

Also, if you think about it, Christmas is weird. I mean you put a tree in your living room (once a year) and put weird random ornaments and such on it. That's weird if you think about it. And putting PRESENTS under it? Do you go outside in winter and put gifts under the first pine you see? Maybe that's why the tree is INSIDE....Hmm...

Hugs on the other hand...

I'm going crazy

Hello, world. I'm sorry for being stupid and staying up too late but I can't help it. It's 3:30 AM and my head is still swimming with confusion, grogginess, wishes, restlessness, and inability to properly function. That's my excuse. And I can't stop thinking. I even wrote a song. But I'm too hesitant to post the lyrics on here for fear of someone stealing my words and calling them their own. Sometimes I feel like I should stay up late so then I can appreciate sleep more. I don't know... I'm weird tonight, though. My usual humor isn't present if you haven't noticed, and I'm listening to the same depressing song over and over and over again; and have been since noon. Sad, I know. Pathetic? I really think so. I desperately want a hug right now. I don't know why, I just do. And after writing that, I sort of expect one of my imaginary friends to appear and give me a big, big, big hug and tell me it's okay even when I don't know what's wrong. But there must be hope yet, because I just changed the song to John Mayor. I love his face. It makes my fingers melt against these keys, yet here I am, typing as fast as ever (If not faster). I'm rushing for nothing. For once in my life, I feel closer to females. Not my incredible sisters, who I adore right now, but females in general. I realize that they hurt a lot, like me. They have mean people hurt them, and then walk away like nothing happened. I sounded like a two year old right there. "mean people"? Seriously, Becca? I thought you wanted to be a writer... But only half of that is true, I guess because they don't act like nothing happened. They either pretend, or they are really over-dramatic about it. And I know that I am too about practically everything. Sometimes I think I try to keep from being happy, because I'm scared of feeling numb. Sometimes I think that pain is better than nothing. Or that because life hurts because It's punishing me. That's an interesting thought... Life punishing you... You know, not having your meds for three to four days in a row really brings out the honesty and nonsense you didn't know you had. It's weird. Again, can't I find a better word than weird? Probably, I just don't want to work at it. I think I'm a cow. I can only eat, and am a complete waste of space. I don't believe that, but sometimes I feel like I should. I'm not making sense, world, am I? I thought as much right as I began this blog post. Well I will set your mind at ease and leave this post to end before too much damage comes. Thank you for reading, world.


I guess I'll end this normally then...
Hugs on the other hand...

Thanksgiving: 5-thousand emotions crammed into one stomache, and one night.

I really REALLY love this picture. I wish I could draw that. Anyways. Back to whatever the heck I was going to type about.
0. It is 1:06 AM and I think I'm going to go insane. I'm not tired, and I'm normally dead asleep by this hour. It's crazy! It's also crazy that Auburn lost! CRAZY!
1. Thanksgiving: literally 2 days ago. *sigh* Most Thanksgivings consist of family gatherings, eating, car rides, long sleeps (Yes I sleeps. Deal.), and tummy aches. ( I said tummy too. Deal, I say.) mine, however, most certainly did not. Well...half of that is true. It did have eating, family gatherings, and tummy aches, but there are numerous plus signs added to that as well. PAUSE. My thigh itches...Okay: PLAY. "READ WITCH YO GLASSES" Sorry....I did said Play, didn't I? My Thanksgiving consisted of the removal of wisdom teeth, the cooking of scrumptious food (yes I cooked, and did NOT ruin everything. :P), the eating of scrumptious food, the playing of "Sorry", the intense realization that at that current time: 11:30 PM, water had been bubbling out of the ground, under our porch, from a broken pipe, since noon, and was pouring down the drive way and into the street, (Bad sentence structure, that I recognized, weirdo), the weird sensation of my hair still being ridiculously curly from that morning, and felt as if it was someone else's that was glued to my odd head, the weird sensation of not being able to wash "someone else's hair" because of having to turn off the water, the intense leaking of the disposal side to Mary and Melissa's sink, and eating extra homemade pie. Not in that order. :) OH I also rammed my head into a cupboard in the kitchen that I (AHEM) instinctively put a sign on. It read: "Do not hit your head on this corner, or this one, or it will hurt." plus a bunch of unnecessary smilies and the drawing of a hand. (And some other stuff that I'm too tired to rack my brain for.)
(THAT WAS A NUMBER #1?! YOU CRAZY? I KNEW IT!!!)
Well you do know...
2. BLOG: Hello?! If you have NOT noticed my awesome new template then there's a facepalm waiting for you in the nearest bathroom. You now have to pee. :) I like doing that... Smiling... Anyways, I really like it. A. it's not as busy. B. It's JAPANESE/ASIAN or C. It took time and help from her deeply loved nincompoop: Mary. I choose...All of the above! :D (Even though it wasn't really an option. Deal, I say.)
3. Orange Junk: Y.U.M.M.Y. It consists of : Awesomeness, marshmellows, awesomeness, manderine oranges, awesomeness, orange jello, awesomeness, and cool whip....and awesomeness. (AWESOME OVERLOAD)
4. My phone is dead. Again. *sigh*
5. Your phone is dead. Again. No? Oh... *sigh*
6. I need new chapstick.
7. Who new that underneath this cover of clumsyness, was a cook?! NOT ME! I helped my nincompoopy sister cook soup today, and it tasted yuuummmmyyyy. :)
8. WE DIDN"T REACH 10!!!! D: (Read 9 and it will make sense)
9. I am tired. Goodnight, world.


Hugs on the other hand...

Meow

YOU SHALL NOT PASSSSSS.
Gandalf. You know, from Lord of the Rings. That's who it looks and sounds like: minus the odd and random stick sword. "Are you sure it's a STICK sword?" Um yes? Would I lie about something I have absolutely no idea about? Maybe. So I hope today is a good. I think it may be. Why? Because 1. When I came into the kitchen at my mom's office, there was a huge bucket of kit-kats with an imaginary sign reading "Eat". So naturally, I did, and it made my brain smile. 2. Because I get to go to Mary's for 3 hours and be awesome, which isn't a long time, but you know, it's better than being stuck at your madre's office and being forced to do necessary homeowork ALL day. 4. Karate. "WHAT???" Yes. Karate. I have had a new change of mind recently towards recent events, and shall take full advantage of Karate to practice my change of mind, and "better" attitude. I also want to kick someone. :) 5. I'm going to attempt to write an entire rough draft, thesis, main points, revision...etc in *drumroll* ONE HOUR. If I succeed, then I'M AWESOME, GIVE ME HUGS...OR CAKE...OR...YEAH. If not, then I'm awesome, give me hugs...or cake...or...yeah anyway. :P I will TRY anyhoo, and it will amazing. It better be. I'm skipping my social time at lunch to do this. *sigh* bad coffee is bad. But it's coffee. So I shall drink it. Hey guess what? No. YOU ARE WRONNNGGG. My pencil is blue. :) That's what. DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD.

Now that, THAT nonsensey segment of this post is over with I shall proceed with more informative "stuff". Or maybe just stuff...Idk.
I feel smart.
Obama is going to CHINA (jealous) today, for 3 days. "3 days in Asia"
What's her face quotes "It's good he found the solutions to our country's problems before he goes."
What's his face- "What solutions?"
What's her face- "Hahaha..."
Me- "Hahaha..."
I laughed too. Sorry.

I named a mouse mickey last night. No I didn't. Yes I did. Yes I did. I WIN.

That's right. You don't win. BAHAHA- I know. Do I? Yes, my fellow feathered friend, I do.
OKAY:
I am SO sick of being on facebook and seeing these love-dovey girly bumperstickers.
Check this out, and may your brains bleed:
Nevermind...I just realized it was a quote from Michael Jackson's song ABC or whatever. (when he was a kid...and when he was cute and black.)
No joke. Haha. That was actually kind of funny.

And someone just gave me 4 3-Mustakeers bars. Welcome, good day. :]

Hugs on the other hand...

3...And That's All I have to Say About It....Wait No....34...Okay I'm Done.

Quotes that I felt like copy and pasting:

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
-Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
-Dave Barry

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
-Dave Barry

[OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! I WILL JUST POST DAVE BARRY QUOTES ONLY BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF TYPING OUT HIS VERY STUPID NAME.]

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
-someone

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
-someone

Okay
I'm done.
No, sorry that "Okay. I'm done." was not a quote by Dave Barry. Sorry. I just said sorry twice. I'm weird. No I'm not. Yes I am. Yes I am. I WIN.


DUN DUN DUN. I don't know. Okay so today I FINALLY watched "Coraline" (the movie by tim burton) and I love it, adore it, relish it, and other things things that are good and end with "it". It was awesome. Button eyes, and all. VERY creative and awesome. Except, I wish I knew how to spell the boy's name. Wyobie. Whybie. Wybie. Whyobye. See? Tortue, man. But it really was an awesome movie. I wish I saw THAT instead of Mall Cop that one time at the Galleria... Thank you, Jack.
Yum. Vitamin Water XXX (THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED I PROMISE. NOTHING DIRTY HERE.) is yummalicious. Maybe not the best word, but you get what I'm saying. Well do you? You don't? Then leave. Now.

I was kidding. Did you leave? Obviously not, because you're still reading this. GOSH, you're weird. Along with Mr. Rodgers. But he's awesome, so it's okay. I mean hey, wouldn't YOU like to wear the exact same sweater to work every single nincompoopy day of the week? And not get criticised for it? And spell "criticised" correctly? And actually care if you spelled it right or not? Don't answer that. Because guess what? I care, but 1. I can't hear your answer and 2. You'll be talking to yourself, which is fun but doesn't give off the best vibes to those who have to sit in the same room as you. SO you'd best be off NOT responding....out loud...

In fact-
Nevermind.

I'm mad that this won't show the whole motivational poster. It cut off some white lines, and dang it, I WANT THOSE WHITE LINES.
Mkay.

I love you.
Hugs on the other hand...