I'm going crazy

Hello, world. I'm sorry for being stupid and staying up too late but I can't help it. It's 3:30 AM and my head is still swimming with confusion, grogginess, wishes, restlessness, and inability to properly function. That's my excuse. And I can't stop thinking. I even wrote a song. But I'm too hesitant to post the lyrics on here for fear of someone stealing my words and calling them their own. Sometimes I feel like I should stay up late so then I can appreciate sleep more. I don't know... I'm weird tonight, though. My usual humor isn't present if you haven't noticed, and I'm listening to the same depressing song over and over and over again; and have been since noon. Sad, I know. Pathetic? I really think so. I desperately want a hug right now. I don't know why, I just do. And after writing that, I sort of expect one of my imaginary friends to appear and give me a big, big, big hug and tell me it's okay even when I don't know what's wrong. But there must be hope yet, because I just changed the song to John Mayor. I love his face. It makes my fingers melt against these keys, yet here I am, typing as fast as ever (If not faster). I'm rushing for nothing. For once in my life, I feel closer to females. Not my incredible sisters, who I adore right now, but females in general. I realize that they hurt a lot, like me. They have mean people hurt them, and then walk away like nothing happened. I sounded like a two year old right there. "mean people"? Seriously, Becca? I thought you wanted to be a writer... But only half of that is true, I guess because they don't act like nothing happened. They either pretend, or they are really over-dramatic about it. And I know that I am too about practically everything. Sometimes I think I try to keep from being happy, because I'm scared of feeling numb. Sometimes I think that pain is better than nothing. Or that because life hurts because It's punishing me. That's an interesting thought... Life punishing you... You know, not having your meds for three to four days in a row really brings out the honesty and nonsense you didn't know you had. It's weird. Again, can't I find a better word than weird? Probably, I just don't want to work at it. I think I'm a cow. I can only eat, and am a complete waste of space. I don't believe that, but sometimes I feel like I should. I'm not making sense, world, am I? I thought as much right as I began this blog post. Well I will set your mind at ease and leave this post to end before too much damage comes. Thank you for reading, world.


I guess I'll end this normally then...
Hugs on the other hand...