Wasted Saturday

So I slept until 5:15 today. PM.
I was up watching a movie with a friend over the phone.
500 Days of Summer.
Go watch it.

Things I'm Currently Obsessed With:
-Music
-Lazyness
-Sleep
-Depression
-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErMWX--UJZ4
-Psychedelic Trance
-Chapstick
-Cold weather


That is just as of today.
Yesterday and today have been just stupid. Except for the hot chocolate my mom got me last night. :)
I was planning on cleaning and doing a bunch of work today but I'm too tired to do anything but read and type. I'm going back and editing almost everything I type on this. My initial thought on starting this was to sort through my thoughts that I might not be so cloudy. It's not really working. Except I did find an awesome music video.




:] I like temper trap.
I like a lot of things. I like the doughnuts that my mommy just brought me. I like my ability to be able to write about something and absolutely nothing at the same time. Skills, man.

Hugs on the other hand...

Snow.

Today wasn't a very good day. Yesterday I got so excited about it snowing and might being able to spend the snow part of it with Mary and & Mel. It stopped snowing like 5-10 minutes after I got there. Before that I spent the day at the doctors, and outside my mothers office. Then, even though the roads weren't that bad I was informed that I was spending the night which kind of made me happy. I thought that if it snowed again today I wouldn't be alone but able to have fun with my sisters... I was wrong. I was informed last night that I would be working. Well I forgot, and had 5 minutes to get ready for work this morning. Imagine my disappointment when my dad informed me that it was snowing... pretty hard... and it was sticking. I then spent the car ride to my grandmothers upset because while it was snowing, I had to be indoors cleaning and she wouldn't even be there. Sad sad sad. Then when Mary and John got there to pick me up It had stopped snowing. >.<

I mean it's just snow, but I adore snow. I never see it, or I'm completely alone when I do so you can understand my excitement or you can't... either way I have pizza. :/

Oh well. It's done. Pizza and snow.

And so is my complaining.

Later.

Hugs on the other hand...

May this New Decade Bring More Pie

These past couple days have been INSANELY stressful. A pathetic fact of our universe: Homework is the new oxygen. Learn to breath it or you will not survive. I've had a load of homework the size of China, over the break. I shall list it so you might be impressed:

-Short story rough draft

-5 pg narrative

-"This I Believe" essay

-Timeline

-Research paper topic

-9 weeks test

-Study for a hard test

-About 10 narrations

-About 6 math lessons

-About 3 math quizzes

-5 English journal entries

ETC

I found a way out of doing ALL that in 3 days so I have a little more time, but it was still hard. Oh haha so I stayed up super late, finishing my short story for a Creative Writing class that doesn't even count as a grade and guess what I found out when I walked into this Creative Writing class (late even)? That the short story WASN'T due today, we were just supposed to start it. One of the classmates started a chapter in a fanfiction... about Buffy the Vampire Slayer... where Spike falls in love with Willow who must become the new slayer because Buffy's off doing something else. I could never write fanfictions 'cause it's like saying "the original wasn't good enough so I'm going to make a better one". I don't know. That is just my opinion I guess. I'm sure that that short story will be excellent, but I'm glad I'm not the one writing it, because it would come out horrible. Haha I would make it exactly like the original.

Guess what, fine citizens? I'm planning on cutting my hair! I don't know when because my mother needs to work and such but when I get an opening, I'm gonna chop it all off. I need a change, and I know that if I don't like it, it'll just grow back... over some odd years. I don't know. That is a complete sentence. :) I don't know.

Welcome back, Karate. You're absence in my life now scares the crap out of me. My head might just fall off one of these days due to lack of practice. Ha. I had Karate yesterday. It was fun and it was nice to be able to get back into it. I have CHEMISTRY today. No homework= Happiness and no stress. You know what I want right now? Chocolate covered strawberries. I find them to be particularly yummy. As I do Hot chocolate. I don't know why I capitalized "hot" just then. Hot Rod. Viola!
My favorite parts:
...BEEN DRINKING GREEN TEA ALL DAY
Cool beans... cool beans... cool beans... cool beans... cool beans. Cool beans. Cool beans. Cool BEANS. Cool cool. Beans beans. Cool. beans. Cool cool. Beans beans. Cooool. Beans. Cool cool. Beans beans...etc
My safe word will be whiskey. Sorry uh what was that? Whiskey. Don't you mean whiskey? What? You're saying it weird. Saying what weird? All of it. Where do you get off? I just don't get why you're saying it that way. Saying what what way? Forget it. I will! I will forget it.
I thought it'd be fun if we went around and said our name and a little something about ourselves; I'll start. My name is Rod, and I like to party. Dave, you're up! Uh hi my name is Dave and uh I like to party. Uh nah, I just said that I like to party so maybe you could do something different. My name is Dave, and I am the stuntman. You know what? Let's move on; Riko you're up. Uh, hello. I'm Riko and I like to party. Riko, what did I just say to Dave? Who? I like to party, I'm Rod. No! You're Kevin! Right. Kevin. I party. No. You don't; nobody parties but me. Yes, and we party. No! No, just Rod. Yes! And me. No! I'm the only one that parties! I'm pretty sure I've partied before. No, Kevin, I know for a FACT that you don't party. Ok, you do NOT party! You're right. Dave's the party guy. Haha sweet. Oh my gosh. Shut up.
What's that song called? About the Grandma getting run-over by a reindeer?....... Grandma got run-over by a reindeer.
Hey, little girl! I don't like cherry! it upsets my stomach!
You should break up.
And THAT'S how it's done.
You know I have a hormone disorder!
You don't get it, Denise. I used to be legit. 2 legit. I was 2 legit to quit. But now... I'm not legit. I'm UNlegit. And for that reason I must quit!

I conclude this. Chemistry calls.
That had a nice ring to it.
A bell has a nice ring to it.
A cookie with a bell attached has a nice ring to it.

Hugs on the other hand.

Family = Home

I love my family. When I'm not with them I miss them.
I miss everyone actually.
I hate being alone. It reminds me of how I used to be and that scares me. That shouldn't make sense. I'm so used to being alone, and entertaining myself, that I'm accustomed to it, but when I am alone I die inside. It actually does make sense though... I'm scared of hurt. I'm afraid of loss, hunger, suffering, drama... When I'm alone I can't stop myself from thinking about it. From thinking about things I'm trying to keep myself from thinking about.

My insides ache. Not just because I feel alone, but because I miss the people who understood. Who would hug me the minute I would start crying, no matter the reason, who gave me the benefit of the doubt... who always would put sunshine in my heart. I miss the people who built me up. Now, I feel like half of me is missing when they aren't here anymore. It was a luxury, and now I understand what it feels like to have no one to talk to. I don't mean that literally. I have a lot of people I can talk to. Tell anything to. But I miss the people who saw through the words, and saw the hurting me inside. Instead of "I'm sorry" they knew what to say to make me smile, make me think, and make me feel relieved. It wasn't just a friend thing. It was deeper. I understand what it feels like to be alone.
A hurt heart can feel everything. Like all of it's senses are enhanced so when you fall again, it hurts that much more. You're not trying to be dramatic, you're not trying to be sulky and selfish. You're not even trying to be sad. But your heart is hurt. Recovery is not always found in happiness, and I want to believe that my pain is necessary. Necessary for ME to understand others. To hug them the minute they start crying, to know exactly what to say, to see through the words, to refrain from judgment... just to be there. Knowing pain makes it less annoying. But why does this road have to ache so much? I long to be content. I long to be released from restlessness. I long to be free from my selfishness. Wishes... I'm not free yet. I have enhanced senses, and I'm still falling. Crack, goes my walls when the slightest quiver shakes me. The salt in my tears annoys me, but my recovery isn't in His will yet. My patience is. Teach me how to be patient when it hurts to breathe. When those who I love are ripped away. When my friends hurt me. When my walls crack under pressure. Teach me patience when I don't know how to walk, I've been down so long. When I don't know how to hold on to the things I love. When I don't know how to hold on to myself. Teach me patience when I'm homeless.

I don't hate right now. I'm bitter, but I don't hate. I'm angry, but I don't hate. I don't understand, but I don't hate. Facing my fears isn't hate. It's what I've been told to do. I wish I could be stonger when I face them. I wish I could be patient when I stand amidst them. I have enhanced senses. And a hurt heart.
I know... that didn't make a whole lot of sense (to most of you). My emotions don't make sense...

How do you not tell anyone your pain, and not keep it bottled up inside? Like this? Writing it out? Well, this hard. I can't type out everything like I could say it. But I can't say everything like I could write it. Why is that? I'm lost...
Home is where the heart is. My heart is... lost. Where is home? Where is my home? I need it. I need to understand what it means to be homesick. I want to understand what it feels like to make myself at home. I want my home. I want to feel at home. That's where my heart is.
My family. I think they are my home. They are the only people right now that put up with my selfishness and don't judge me because of it. They understand what it's like. They've been there. They would hug me the second I start crying, no matter the reason. I believe that. They see through my words to the hurting Becca inside. They know what to say. They put sunshine in my heart. You always come back to home- I'll always come back to my family. They've taught me patience. To persevere through the pain when it hurts to breathe. They are consistent. I am blessed with a luxury.

You're probably wondering what the heck I've been drinking, and why I got so mushy in a post that the world can see. I'm glad the world can see. The truth is, I've spent most of this week "alone" but I'm surrounded by my family. I've felt hurt from almost everyone and there they are with open arms. I guess I'm not so alone. Even if my friends hurt, judge, and leave me, I'm not alone. Thank God.

Hugs on the other hand...

Sick.

I feel like Blogger should memorize the font I ALWAYS use so I don't have to change it every time I do a new post. It's annoying. Anyways...
Hello, world. I'm sick today. Like my throat is on fire whenever I do anything to use it. (All this green tea, I'm inhaling, better improve my overall health) It's a cold. I think. Whatever. the main point is :
I can't do that
<-- Well I couldn't do that anyway but now I REALLY can't do it. So I have been obsessing over the last minute and a half of Stick Stickly by Attack Attack! Thank you, Chad. I want to jump up and down, hold a guitar over my head, and stick my tongue out like one of the dudes on the music video. BEAST. :D Also this is something that really annoys me: Owl City is sold out. HECK. I was going to buy tickets for my friend, Rose, and I think they went on sale at the end of November. The concert is in February. Sheesh. 1. Remodel your theater so it fits more people and 2. Sell more tickets, and notify me when you do. I get to see Rose, if I'm not still sick, this Friday! We'll be working on a cover of Winter Wonderland. I was skeptical but apparently it will be a cover of cover of Winter Wonderland. Jason Mraz did a cover, and we're doing a cover of HIS cover. It's actually kinda cool and original sounding. :)



See? Not bad.
"Look What You've Done" - Jet

Hugs on the other hand...

Rain

IT'S RAINING! :D
I love rain. I don't like shivering in the rain, but I like the feeling of it when it hits my skin. Like a really big cold showe.... never mind. Bad example. Rain= Awesome. I mean, hey! This Storm trooper agrees with me. :) You don't argue with storm troopers. It goes without saying. I feel like I should write some special Christmas post since it's sneaking up incredibly fast, but I wouldn't know what to write. Merry Christmas! There you go. :) Just kidding. I'll have to think. It would have to be serious.... Which I can't do right now. Heh. My weekend is PACKED. Friday afternoon/morning I'm hopefully going to see that new Rugby film with Jack and Taylor (some buddies), Friday night I'm going to Elizabeth's muscial (A good friend of Mary's), Saturday morning I'm going to try to go to Vapor, Saturday night I'm babysitting for some people I've never met, and Sunday I have family/friend stuff, and Church. Phew.
I hope I don't die today, in this Tornado Warning. I haven't been to Ireland yet. :( I must go to Ireland before I die. MUST. And Africa. I miss Africa. You might say that is weird since I came to the US when I was 5, but I remember almost all of it. I'm trying to find the point in why I even started this post... I don't think it was just rain...Haha maybe I will just write this whole thing on rain. Like some sort of dedication.... to um weather.... bad idea.
I think I'll go do something and come back so I have something better to write about. :'(

PHEW. One day later. Yikes. I'm feeling my addiction to sleep coming back. I'll start going to bed early, sleeping drastically late, and taking numerous naps. Why? Because I have no life. 1. Because my dreams are slightly more interesting than the world around me. Maybe some day I'll be able to control them. 2. One of the only times I feel at peace, and completely content... Unless the sheets come off the bed. I hate that. and 3. It just feels GOOD. To sleep. Who know BECCA, of all people, would love sleep THIS much.

PHEW. Okay- What's wrong with me. I started this post like... 3 days ago. Sheesh. It's not even that long. Anyways. I'm listening to Fuzzy Blue Lights. Over there -->

You know what I've found really frustrating? I feel like my meds aren't working as well as they used to. I've been so down lately and I can't put my finger on why. I have 10 millions to be happy and I'm... not. That frustrates me :/ Oh well. It's probably just a really long mood swing. 

Hugs on the other hand...

Silly Post

<-- I find that humorous
Well after the post below, I'm not quite sure what to write....Hmm....

I said I would write a funny post...You know what?

badgerbadgerbadger.com
Go there.
Right now.

Um.
I have karate tomorrow. :-)
I'm not sure whether or not I should capitalize "karate"...Okay. Silly post fail. The picture's funny though.




'Night, person.

Hugs on the other hand.