And so it begins.

Well hello there.
Lots to tell.

1) I've had a job for more than a week now. Around 3 weeks I think. Maybe 2... Anyhoo it's fun. Hard, but fun.

2) It really sucks that I can no longer listen to Bridge Over Troubled Water without thinking of that Clay Aiken dude. Barf. And I like Simon & Garfunkel. >.>

3) I'm sad. I don't really WANT to post this on my blog but heck. It's gotta get out somehow and I prefer it not to be my fist in a wall. I have anger issues...
Anyways. I'm sad. If I were to reflect this onto a facebook status it would say "Becca Joy Jackson is left in the dust".
I don't know... I hate inconsistency, and nowadays that's really all I get. First they're there promising things like "I would never walk away." and "I will always be there for you." And then all of the sudden they aren't there anymore and you're left wondering where you went wrong. To begin with I HATE telling people, and hearing people say "I will always be there for you" and "I will never let you down". Seriously, think about it. You can't ALWAYS be there for someone; life doesn't permit it. And you WILL let someone down whether you mean to or not. Everyone has lives, and they don't revolve around you and your feelings. With that in mind, I honestly don't understand why people walk in making promises they can't keep, and walk out (LIKE IT'S JUST THAT EASY). They may mean to keep them, but if they ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT then they know they're screwing you over in the long run. What sucks more is I was actually naive enough to believe them, at the time. Eh.... I make it sound like I'm more angry at them than I am myself. Sometimes that may be true, but most of the time I can barely live inside the person I call "Becca". She's too complex. I feel like I draw people in and then once they really get to know me, they fade out. That means if I want to, at some point, keep friends... then I need to change who I am or I need to change worlds. I don't like changing for people... But also, I can't change without knowing what to change. I don't want to change. Maybe subtract less drama... but besides that, I want more consistency.
I understand that when people get busy, they don't have time to "catch up". I understand that when they move or put themselves into another culture, that they may have to make new friends to be able to get along in life.
But as my mother says "Keep the old friends silver, and the new ones gold."
Which means, regardless, you don't neglect the people you love because that's just not simply how you treat someone you love. Then you warp their view of friendship, love, happiness...

Say you make a friend and you have loads in common. You both love scuba-diving in winter, Indian rap artists, and taking pictures of yourselves upside down. You get along great. Okay say time passes, you make great memories with this friend, and then you start seeing new things about this person. Things you don't know. This person turns out to be a bit more deep than you had imagined. He has gone and is going through a really really rough time. He has a lot of scars; and even though he's really fun and has a great sense of humor, he's seriously hurting too. Let's say that because you're very close best friends, he thinks it's okay to confide in you because that's what friends are for, right? So he confides in you. He shows you a piece of what's hurting him. You say the typical "I'm sorry. I'll pray for you." because you don't know what else to say. But it helps him nonetheless. Then you promise you'll always be there because you genuinely think you can handle whatever is going on his life. You get even more close, but while he's confiding in you, you're finding your fun elsewhere because he's getting really emotional in your eyes, and you don't want your "good mood" to get in the way. Now say his brother and him are VERY close and all of the sudden, his brother get's a variety of illnesses that cause of a great deal of pain. Say one (or even both) of parents gets a disease that will end up permanently disabling him/her. Say his 2 other best friends walk away, rejecting him. Say his girlfriend cheats on him with a guy she just met. Say say say say say say... And then he tells you. And it's too much. He tells you, and without meaning to, you gravitate toward happier, more fun people because you may or may not have a clue on how to help him. He tells you, and you walk away. What you didn't know was that he never meant to be dramatic. He was just trying to be real. He believed that smiling all the time made you fake, and once and a while you add to deal with the issues beneath the surface. He got so excited that he finally had a friend that would just be a friend, that would just listen. He didn't mean to throw his life's waste in your lap. He just wanted someone to listen, and not walk away. He just wanted someone to see inside and recognize that, despite his pain, he could still a fun person to be around. And you're never going to know. You'll always see him as an over-dramatic bloke who catastrophized almost everything. But he just had a lot going on. And he can't make life's pain go away.
AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH.

Scenerio 2...

Say you meet a friend who is just as real as you.... *you get super close, all that mushy stuff*
You listen, and give the best advice you can think of. You also have a LOAD of friends outside of her, but still consider her your best friend. You know almost everything about her. Then one day, some drama having to do with a mutual friend puts you in an awkward position so you don't talk to her quite as much, but you feel bad about it. Your communication goes on and off for a while. You get REALLY busy, and even though she tries to keep the communication running, you just can't find the time. Because of this, you grow distant. The mutual friend drama gets worse, and you go to a summer camp, thus pulling you 2 further apart. She's breaking little by little because she misses you so freakin' much, but you're having so much fun at camp that you don't notice. You make new and better friends, and pretty soon, you and your old friend never talk. You've moved on, assuming she's fine without you. What you don't know, is that she might like to know how you were able to keep in touch with everyone else while you were busy, and not her. She might like to know what she did wrong to push away such an amazing friend.

BREATHE. Sorry for the rant.

4) School almost starts. Wapow!

5) I can now legally drive... with an adult in the car. IT'S SO SCARY. Fun, BUT SCARY. Methinks I kill baby. And guess what? You get your license revoked for manslaughter. Jail might be an issue too.

6) When I drive, I HAVE TO WEAR MAH GLASSES. Weirdness ensued. I never wear my glasses. I guess I better get used to them.... odd...

7) "Running out of Cheerios is a grave matter that is not to be made fun of"


Hugs on the other hand...