Half in half (and not the stuff you put in your coffee.)

Explanation: KIDDING. You can just be confused....

Um.

Eh okay so I felt bad about all my serious posts sooo IMA MAKE A HALF N' HALF. Half is serious and the other half is... melodramatic. Kidding. Just uh normal me. Humorous, random, I don't know. WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT.
Get on with it, Becca.

I'm mad. I'm frustrated. I'm depressed. Most people sort all this into one easier-to-digest word: emotional. I call it complex. Yeah, it's harder to digest, but it's more realistic. I just don't know how to handle it... how to say goodbye... how to learn from it all. You'd think I'd learn by now. How DO you say goodbye, Becca? How do you part with someone that's PART of you. I still feel the sores from last time. I don't want it to happen again... Brothers and sisters. Saying farewell to brothers and sisters...
My conclusion to goodbyes: Growing up is hard. Sometimes I'm happy there's no rewind button. I don't want to relive any of it.

Okay.
SNAP OUT OF IT.




I AM A BEARD LOVER. Yes. Yes I am..... Yess..... That last part was slightly awkward. WHALE.
Heh. I held someone's ear today FINALLY. It was glorious, but warm. Makes me sad. EARS SHOULD ALWAYS BE CHILLY. I don't like holding warm ears. >.< Makes for uncomfy fingers.
And by golly
MY FINGERS MUST. BE. COMFY.
OH OH AND I had a Goji smoothie. Yummm. Twas tasty.

Yurp. Short other half. Beards help.

Hugs on the other hand...

Sisters= Spectacular

And If I didn't drink 3 cups of coffee I might not be as open but you can just deal with it.

Random Thought: In my last post I didn't mention that part of my job was to get in a banana suit, hold a "NOW OPEN" sign, and dance crazy on the side of the street. So if you live in my state and you see a dancing banana... Heh...

Okay. This ought to be interesting.


I want to say this to all you readers ( all 2 of you >.>) that I am thankful. Many people look at me and think my life sucks but... there are parts that are actually really spectacular. Even though I've had to let go of some people, and it's RIDICULOUSLY hard considering my past, I have the most amazing sisters. Don't take that lightly. A sister for a best friend is the best kind. Why? Because a friend can walk up and leave, but a sister can't as easily do that. They're bound by blood, and memories. Mine especially. I remember crying in Mary's lap, and she would just stroke my hair wipe away my tears as they poured over my cheeks. I don't remember what exactly she said at the time, but whatever it was, it was awesome. Ha. I remember spilling my guts into Melissa's ears, and she wouldn't overreact. She just held my hands, soaking in the information, and gathered tears in her eyes just like mine. I cannot begin to tell you just how much I love these two amazing women.
I just felt the urge to say all that... so I did... obviously. And even though I'm different... even though time, pain, and goodbyes have changed me, I can still laugh, and I can still feel like there is no tomorrow. I want the world to know that a lot of that feeling is taken up loving my amazing siblings.


Hugs on the other hand...

And so it begins.

Well hello there.
Lots to tell.

1) I've had a job for more than a week now. Around 3 weeks I think. Maybe 2... Anyhoo it's fun. Hard, but fun.

2) It really sucks that I can no longer listen to Bridge Over Troubled Water without thinking of that Clay Aiken dude. Barf. And I like Simon & Garfunkel. >.>

3) I'm sad. I don't really WANT to post this on my blog but heck. It's gotta get out somehow and I prefer it not to be my fist in a wall. I have anger issues...
Anyways. I'm sad. If I were to reflect this onto a facebook status it would say "Becca Joy Jackson is left in the dust".
I don't know... I hate inconsistency, and nowadays that's really all I get. First they're there promising things like "I would never walk away." and "I will always be there for you." And then all of the sudden they aren't there anymore and you're left wondering where you went wrong. To begin with I HATE telling people, and hearing people say "I will always be there for you" and "I will never let you down". Seriously, think about it. You can't ALWAYS be there for someone; life doesn't permit it. And you WILL let someone down whether you mean to or not. Everyone has lives, and they don't revolve around you and your feelings. With that in mind, I honestly don't understand why people walk in making promises they can't keep, and walk out (LIKE IT'S JUST THAT EASY). They may mean to keep them, but if they ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT then they know they're screwing you over in the long run. What sucks more is I was actually naive enough to believe them, at the time. Eh.... I make it sound like I'm more angry at them than I am myself. Sometimes that may be true, but most of the time I can barely live inside the person I call "Becca". She's too complex. I feel like I draw people in and then once they really get to know me, they fade out. That means if I want to, at some point, keep friends... then I need to change who I am or I need to change worlds. I don't like changing for people... But also, I can't change without knowing what to change. I don't want to change. Maybe subtract less drama... but besides that, I want more consistency.
I understand that when people get busy, they don't have time to "catch up". I understand that when they move or put themselves into another culture, that they may have to make new friends to be able to get along in life.
But as my mother says "Keep the old friends silver, and the new ones gold."
Which means, regardless, you don't neglect the people you love because that's just not simply how you treat someone you love. Then you warp their view of friendship, love, happiness...

Say you make a friend and you have loads in common. You both love scuba-diving in winter, Indian rap artists, and taking pictures of yourselves upside down. You get along great. Okay say time passes, you make great memories with this friend, and then you start seeing new things about this person. Things you don't know. This person turns out to be a bit more deep than you had imagined. He has gone and is going through a really really rough time. He has a lot of scars; and even though he's really fun and has a great sense of humor, he's seriously hurting too. Let's say that because you're very close best friends, he thinks it's okay to confide in you because that's what friends are for, right? So he confides in you. He shows you a piece of what's hurting him. You say the typical "I'm sorry. I'll pray for you." because you don't know what else to say. But it helps him nonetheless. Then you promise you'll always be there because you genuinely think you can handle whatever is going on his life. You get even more close, but while he's confiding in you, you're finding your fun elsewhere because he's getting really emotional in your eyes, and you don't want your "good mood" to get in the way. Now say his brother and him are VERY close and all of the sudden, his brother get's a variety of illnesses that cause of a great deal of pain. Say one (or even both) of parents gets a disease that will end up permanently disabling him/her. Say his 2 other best friends walk away, rejecting him. Say his girlfriend cheats on him with a guy she just met. Say say say say say say... And then he tells you. And it's too much. He tells you, and without meaning to, you gravitate toward happier, more fun people because you may or may not have a clue on how to help him. He tells you, and you walk away. What you didn't know was that he never meant to be dramatic. He was just trying to be real. He believed that smiling all the time made you fake, and once and a while you add to deal with the issues beneath the surface. He got so excited that he finally had a friend that would just be a friend, that would just listen. He didn't mean to throw his life's waste in your lap. He just wanted someone to listen, and not walk away. He just wanted someone to see inside and recognize that, despite his pain, he could still a fun person to be around. And you're never going to know. You'll always see him as an over-dramatic bloke who catastrophized almost everything. But he just had a lot going on. And he can't make life's pain go away.
AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH.

Scenerio 2...

Say you meet a friend who is just as real as you.... *you get super close, all that mushy stuff*
You listen, and give the best advice you can think of. You also have a LOAD of friends outside of her, but still consider her your best friend. You know almost everything about her. Then one day, some drama having to do with a mutual friend puts you in an awkward position so you don't talk to her quite as much, but you feel bad about it. Your communication goes on and off for a while. You get REALLY busy, and even though she tries to keep the communication running, you just can't find the time. Because of this, you grow distant. The mutual friend drama gets worse, and you go to a summer camp, thus pulling you 2 further apart. She's breaking little by little because she misses you so freakin' much, but you're having so much fun at camp that you don't notice. You make new and better friends, and pretty soon, you and your old friend never talk. You've moved on, assuming she's fine without you. What you don't know, is that she might like to know how you were able to keep in touch with everyone else while you were busy, and not her. She might like to know what she did wrong to push away such an amazing friend.

BREATHE. Sorry for the rant.

4) School almost starts. Wapow!

5) I can now legally drive... with an adult in the car. IT'S SO SCARY. Fun, BUT SCARY. Methinks I kill baby. And guess what? You get your license revoked for manslaughter. Jail might be an issue too.

6) When I drive, I HAVE TO WEAR MAH GLASSES. Weirdness ensued. I never wear my glasses. I guess I better get used to them.... odd...

7) "Running out of Cheerios is a grave matter that is not to be made fun of"


Hugs on the other hand...

First Day Intimidation

My back hurts. Hi. I have news. At least I think I do...
I'm almost positive I had a job. Why just almost?... Heh well let me tell you.

So if you don't know already, I recently applied at a new opening store, Tropical Smoothie Cafe. It closed down for a year... but it's a fabulous place. Great smoothies, great wraps, great everything else. (http://tropicalsmoothie.com/)
So they had a specified day that you could go and turn in your application. I did that, and prepared for an interview but there wasn't one. DON'T CRY. They said they would call me to schedule one. They didn't. DON'T CRY. They called me and said "We'd love you on our team. We train for 3 days. start training Monday. Thank you." Hah. So NORMALLY that means you are now employed. So I today is Monday (no duh) and I started training this morning. First thing we did was fill out intimidating payroll paperwork that I have never done in my life, but I did it anyhoo. Then the managers, and a guy who was training everyone gave a bunch of speeches, handed out some packets packed with information, and covered some of the information we would need to know to begin the job. Easy right? Right. Long story somewhat short, the cooking was simple. IS THIS BECCA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT?! Yes. I did not light anyone's face on fire, or anyone's food. :D IT TASTED YUMMY TOO. Yes, yes it did. Yummy... But anyway we had to watch this video thing and at the end of our training we have to be SMOOTHIE CERTIFIED. *shakes in boots* Yeahhh...
I'm nervous about tomorrow. >.>

Hugs on the other hand...

Phew

Turns out I didn't have an interview TODAY. They were just accepting applications. I turned mine in, and they said they would call me tomorrow or Monday to schedule an interview. This gives me more time to practice fake interviews. Lol Well I think I gave a good impression... I hope. I wasn't nervous at all actually. They were fairly easy to talk to. It was a husband and wife running the place. EXCITED anyhoo.

I need to get very familiar with their menu too. There is a lot of stuff on their menu...

TREE POWERS ACTIVATE! I saw Despicable Me with my lovely bowl of Lasagna last night. Funny stuff. I want my own little personal pet minion. So adorable.

SO so so so so Hi. HI. Hello. Blurg. I want more cake... eh I also want to reach out to the outer corners of the wide wide wide fat internet. Not sure how though... I'm going to try questions. You should answer them if you're awesome.

YOU. YES YOU. PET THE LITTLE PEOPLE. Oh and answer the question below.

Question of the day:

What's your favorite kind of cake?

It says "Saving" but it's not saving... Makes me mad...




BOOYAH! I love her. She's awesome.

Yup

Hugs on the other hand...

Hello. My name is Terrible Fool.

Guess what?
No. You're wrong. Why are you always so wrong?
Well... Let's move on from the fact that you have nothing going for you. I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW TOMO....TODAY. It is currently *looks at clock* 1:08 AM. I should probably be sleeping, but obviously I'm not. I have to shower tonight too, because I'll be too lazy to shower tomorrow morning...
Anyhoo. Tropical Smoothie Cafe is reopening (YAYAYAYAYAYAY! *happy dance*) and today they said that whoever wants to apply should show up between 1 and 3 today or tomorrow. I already have an application filled out... but I think that I'll have a guaranteed interview since you're going to the store between eh yeah... I don't really remember my logic that backed up this statement but it was there 13 minutes ago. Precisely 13. But I have no idea what to expect, what to say, how to act... I hope I sound confident... Anyways pray for me and that I won't make a terrible fool out of myself. The following would fall under "Terrible Fool": Stuttering, bunny trails, blank-outs of the brain, being overdressed or underdressed, tripping, forgetting my gender.... and ect ect ect. Nervousness ensued.
I also might get to see my lovely Catnip tomorrow. Squee. This makes me happy. Even though I also saw her today. Lol

Okay well now I shall chose to ignore my desire to continue this post, and I shall end it. I'm tired and I need to shower.

Hugs on the other hand...

Fake mouths. But you wouldn't know what that means thanks to Blogger.

I like that picture. It is by the surreal artist Catherine Alexandre. Just thought I'd throw that out there. OKAY. Now that that's thrown, let's move on to our next topic; shall we?
PROCEED
I would put that in a bold, huge size, and maybe even a different color but I'm too lazy so you can just be thankful that I put it in all caps.
I had a new post already typed out, I hit publish post, and guess what Blogger did to me? They totally screwed it over. >.< I HAD A FREAKIN LIST OF TOPICS INSTEAD OF JUST ONE RAMBLE AFTER ANOTHER! THAT NEVER HAPPENS! And Blogger had to go and ruin it. Of course.

What the... BECCA IS SO MAD. SO MAD. SO MAD.
AH.
I just typed out a bunch of awesome info with a NEW LIST, then for number three I put in a video, and it erased all the data up until "Of course." THIS IS NOT OKAY WITH ME! BLWSKJ:OIUE:OIHJ:LHE:KH:EJ"W:UH"OJRD'oewjt'pajd;oth[poj;HPIUGPDIWAH{OIRH!!!
UrrrgggHHHHH.

Dear Blogger,
You suck today. I will find a way to get you back. Also, get a "undo/redo" button. Twould save me loads of time, but you wouldn't care about that would you? You're going to regret this, Blogger.

Sincerely,
You know who.




Hugs on the other hand...